The Other Side of “Thank You!”

Lately, I have been spending a lot of time thinking about gratitude.  Between celebrating Thanksgiving, providing workshops about how to increase happiness, and coaching my toddler on the use of manners, “Thank You” has become my personal mantra over the past month.  However, as we say goodbye to the Thanksgiving season and the holidays peek out at us from just behind the corner, I have started to shift my contemplations to the other side of “Thank you.”

Which is…. drum roll please…  “You’re Welcome.”  How many times do we mindlessly utter these two words in a given day?  I know for myself that this phrase is mostly rote; the two words I speak like an automaton as soon as I hear the words “thank you.”  However, a rather mundane experience woke me up to the transformative power that these two words can have when spoken with mindfulness and sincerity. 

It all started when I realized that I was missing a key ingredient to the dinner I was in the middle of preparing and had to ask my husband to take a side trip from his long commute to go to the grocery store.  To my relief, he immediately agreed to my assignment and I resumed my cooking feeling filled with gratitude about his willingness to bail me out…  Right up until the moment he walked through the door.  As I expressed my gratitude for his selfless act, he sighed and gave me a curt, “Yup” before promptly leaving the kitchen.  While his words were benign, his tone made it clear that he was not thrilled to have had to cover for my disorganization.  The take home message for me was that his help was not a “welcome” act. 

While my husband had every right to feel annoyed by my disorganization, knowing that he was unhappy about helping me caused my own buoyant feelings of gratitude to be replaced with feelings of guilt.  And, truth be told, my gratitude for his generosity diminished upon his “Yup.”  It was much easier to sing his praises in my mind when he had helped me out willingly!  Shrugging it off and feeling slightly self righteous I continued with my evening… until I caught myself responding to my husband in a similar fashion later that night.  It was at this point that I fully realized the importance of “You’re Welcome.”

Like gratitude, generosity is an attitude and our attitude toward something is always our choice.  When we choose to focus on how we “shouldn’t“ have to do something for another person, the time or energy it will “waste”, or any other negative thoughts we might have, then we are left with feelings of anger and resentment.  (Newsflash!   Counting your burdens is not a happiness promoting activity!)  The resentment caused by this negative way of thinking is communicated to the other person, whether verbally or through body language and tone, and an interaction that had the potential of strengthening the connection ends up having the opposite effect. 

Acting with a generous attitude, on the other hand, creates opportunities for improved mood and strengthened relationships.  When we keep the focus of our thoughts on the happiness or relief that our actions will give to another, how good we feel about being generous or helpful, or the ripple effect our actions might have throughout our communities we are left feeling productive, influential and get a boost to our self-esteem.   Our graciousness and generosity (hopefully) leads to the gratitude and appreciation of others… which (hopefully again) encourages us to continue to give… which continues to foster more gratitude.  This giving/gratitude feedback loop is arguably one of the most beneficial dynamics that we can create in our relationships.

Which brings me back to the power of “You’re Welcome….”  These two words are the very expression of a gracious, generous attitude.  When we choose to speak these words with conscious awareness and sincerity, we are making a promise to the other person of our continued willingness to give, to repeat the act if necessary, to be gracious. 

So, this holiday season, I challenge you to join me in the pursuit of greater graciousness.  Every time you find yourself mindlessly responding to another person’s expression of gratitude, whether talking with your partner or standing in a checkout line, think about the meaning of the words you are uttering.   Use your “You’re Welcome” as a mantra to bring you back to a gracious, generous, and giving state of mind.  I’m willing to bet that the person who benefits the most from your increasing graciousness is you!

Why Being More Grateful *Might* Be The Best Gift You Could Give To Yourself This Holiday Season!

What if I told you that making one simple change in your life could significantly improve your health, mood, functioning, relationships and overall life satisfaction?  And what if  I then told you that this life-altering remedy was completely free, accessible to all, and not at all time consuming?

What is this magical elixir of well-being and happiness, you ask?  The answer might surprise you!  Researchers in the new field of Positive Psychology have set out to apply the scientific method to identify the factors that lead to happiness and greater life satisfaction.  While many traits and practices have been identified as having life-improving qualities, the simple practice of gratitude has risen to the surface as one of the most powerful agents of change that we have at our disposal.

And what are the benefits of fostering an "attitude of gratitude?"  Here is a synopsis of the impressive research results so far:

Increased Happiness and Satisfaction with Life

As we have discussed in earlier blog posts, happiness can be learned.  The practice of gratitude has been shown to be able to increase overall happiness by as much as 25 percent!  People who practice gratitude report higher levels of positive emotions, including joy, enthusiasm, and optimism about their futures.  In addition, the practice of gratitude helps people to cope better with everyday stress and increases the resilience of people who are experiencing trauma.  The practice of gratitude can also reduce anger and aggression.  It's not surprising then to learn that grateful people report high levels of overall life satisfaction!  

Better Relationships

Grateful people are more likely to focus on and appreciate the positive qualities of their loved ones.  Not surprisingly, this leads to greater  stability and more satisfying relationships to others.  People who practice gratitude report increased feelings of connectedness to their loved ones and have an easier time forgiving people for their faults.  In addition, grateful people appear to be more giving as they have been shown to participate in more frequent acts of altruism.

Improved Physical Health 

People who regularly practice gratitude report overall greater physical health and increased amounts of energy.  The research indicates that they are less likely to report symptoms of illness and have a faster recovery time when they do in fact become ill.  

In addition, lifestyle factors that improve physical health also appear to get a boost when a person practices gratitude.  In one study, when subjects were given an assignment to practice a daily gratitude ritual they reported falling asleep faster and sleeping longer and more soundly than the control group.  During this same experiment, the gratitude group also exercised significantly more than the non-gratitude group.  Gratitude's overall impact on physical health may actually lead to greater longevity.  As gratitude increases optimism, optimism appears to increase our lifespan.  And that's something to be grateful for!

So how can you start to reap the benefits of gratitude and become a more appreciative you?  One easy first step is to join the Positively Maine November Gratitude Challenge! This November, make it a commitment to celebrate Thanksgiving by bringing more gratitude into your day-to-day life. Everyday this month, start your Facebook status or tweet with the phrase, "Today, I am grateful for..." and share the things you appreciate with your friends. Don't have a Facebook or Twitter account? Then write your responses in a journal or share them at the dinner table with your family. You'll be amazed by the power that this simple act can have. 

Want more ideas about how to implement gratitude into your life or to create a more grateful family? Positively Maine offers gratitude coaching for individuals and groups, and can provide a gratitude workshop to groups of five or more. Don't live in Maine?  Positively Maine offers distance options such as video conferencing, phone coaching or e-mail consultation.  Contact us to find out how we can help you and your loved ones create an attitude of gratitude!

Why Happiness?

Dear Friend,

Here at Positively Maine, our mission is to promote, teach and share positive psychology with the aim to foster well-being and build human strengths to help individuals, groups, and organizations flourish and thrive.  Simply put, our goal is to teach people how to be happier.

But why focus on happiness?   Why not success?  Or wealth?   Or even health?  The answer is simple:  research is showing that happiness is a key underpinning to all of these life domains.  Happy people are in fact more successful than their unhappy counterparts.  They earn more money and are less prone to many of the diseases that plague our society.   And when people are really honest with themselves, pretty much everything they choose to do is with the aim of finding greater happiness…  Even when it backfires!  It seems that we are hardwired in our pursuit of happiness.

But can a person take active steps to become happier?  Isn’t happiness based on the genetic gifts of our parents?  Or based on our life circumstances?  While these factors are relevant to our overall level  of happiness, research shows that a full 40% of our happiness is within our power to change.  Think about that for a minute.  Almost half of our happiness is completely within our own control! 

Our job here at Positively Maine is to provide you or your organization with the tools that will allow you to take control of that 40 percent.   Through experiential seminars, individual and group coaching, and workshops we will provide you with research-proven methods for increasing happiness.  And, not surprisingly, as people apply these methods the rewards of  more money, better relationships, and improved health just serve to increase happiness EVEN MORE!  Increasing happiness is not a linear process, but rather one that increases exponentially.

So welcome to Positively Maine!  Please check out our website and consider registering for a workshop, making an appointment for coaching, or scheduling a seminar for your group or business.  In today’s climate, investing your money in the stock market might be a risky endeavor.  However, you can’t lose when you invest in your own happiness and well-being!

With Sincere Gratitude,

Positively Maine!